we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
