That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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