Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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