she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's always time for handjobs
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
