I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
