Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
