Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
