You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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