Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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