Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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