we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
