Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
