No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
