Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
