Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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