Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
