what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
