Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
