I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
