Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
