Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't think brook has ever known best
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
