Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
