i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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