I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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