Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
