My cat gives me a boner
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
