Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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