is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
