youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Mom said you looked used
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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