So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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