I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
