How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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