Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
