That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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