Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.