I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
