I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it glows. i had to have it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail