wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important