tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...