just tell him i said nine months
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He passed out mid-signature
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that