I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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