P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think my moral compass just broke
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
