ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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