So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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