Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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