Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
