my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
