they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
