I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
