Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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