oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
