I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
