Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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