He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
