I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
