He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
