Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
