I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
