what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
