I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
