If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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