I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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