fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
