I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
