Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
