you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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