im about as happy as oj after his trial
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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