I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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