and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my shit smells like andre
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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