Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
