don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
