the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
